Talking to Children 6-12 years old about the 9/11 Attacks

P. Donohue Shortridge/Children/Talking to Children 6-12 years old about the 9/11 Attacks
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Talking to Children 6-12 years old about the 9/11 Attacks

     Children between the ages of 6 and 12 are capable of grasping the realities of war news more abstractly than younger children, however they are just as vulnerable to its effect.
     Parents of children of this age may be concerned as to how to address the issue of the recent attacks on America. It may be worthwhile to consider the following:
     Children at this age have an enormous imagination. They can think creatively and imagine the worst and imagine the best. This facility is the linchpin for parents in helping their children of this age cope.
     Stories can be a creative outlet for children's emotions, stories that they write, stories that parents tell and stories that the family can read together. Choose stories about people facing problems and doing something about them, stories about heroes being brave or people facing adversity and prevailing. Also, read or tell stories about children your child's age doing something about a problem the child in the story is facing. This is also a good time to choose stories about people doing good deeds from different cultures.
     Define terms and locate places. Children will hear many words they do not know the meaning of. Tell them what the Pentagon is, for example. Look at a map together and find New York and Washington, DC
     Children will absorb the tension from the culture around them. It rests in their bodies. This is an excellent time for rigorous physical exercise, especially fun things done together. Go for a family bike ride among the fall leaves, get a group together for a touch football game. Clean out the garage together, hauling trash to the dumpsite and sweeping and ordering family possessions. Creating external order does help create an internal order.
     Children of this age will feel helpless and may want to do something. Encourage personal action. Some kids may want to raise money, so encourage that. Offer guidance and support with their efforts, but do not do it for them. Other kids may want to write sympathy cards or buy socks or batteries for the workers. Let your child lead with how he or she wants to help.
     Children may experience bad dreams, fear and regressive behaviors. A parent's empathy and comfort makes all the difference. Your child may want to talk about his fears and have lots of questions for you. He may ask why people would do this? Don't gush on about the causes, mostly just listen and mirror back his question. You can say, "That's a good question." Don't feel like you have to have an answer to everything. Being a good, patient listener is essential to their feeling heard and supported.
     You can tell your child that he is safe and that you will always be here. This is the time to be sure you pick up your child on time and to conscientiously do what you say. Do not give them anything more to worry about. Keep a regular family routine. They are looking for security and although you cannot know about the outer world, you can provide stability in their world.
     Limit the amount of television they watch. If you do watch together, temper your emotional responses. A panicky parent will create a panicky child. Do not express your darkest adult fears in front of your child. Be sure to find someone you can talk to about these things. Keep your sobbing to your private spaces. However, you can acknowledge to your child that it is scary, it is OK to show that you are sad and to let a tear fall, but know that your child will pick up emotional cues from you.
     Be careful not to let your fears for the safety of your child, real or imagined interfere with your child's life. Do not disrupt daily routines or trips unless absolutely necessary. Do not express your fear of losing your child to your child. This is a parental fear best explored with another adult. It is not fair to a child to have that burden put on him. Be careful not to smother your child. Although this terrible attack has happened, your personal overreaction will telegraph to your child that the entire world is unsafe and may engender in him a fear of taking normal, age appropriate risks.

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