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Adolescents and young adults can now think abstractly about problems. They have a tendency, especially around the ages of 15 and 16 to think in black and white terms. They are in the process of forming their moral selves and tend to judge everyone around them. They may be outraged about current events and be angry with you if you are not as outraged as they are. This is a good time to discuss the issues with your child. * Help them channel their feelings and opinions with facts. Show them how to be a life long learner about matters of concern. Do a research project together. Go to the library together or get on the Internet. Share newspaper articles and watch some news shows together. Let them listen to you debate the issues with other adults. Go to lectures together and learn as much as you can. Teach your child how to gather facts, assess the sources of the facts and only then form opinions. Do not ridicule the opinions of your child. Instead, give her strategies for deeper thinking. * This is a good time to talk about the larger questions such as man's place in the world, how we are all to get along together, how religion, geography and ethnicity help form a personality. It's also a great time to discuss American market capitalism. * Your child at this time is seriously considering what he or she will do with his life. This is a great time to facilitate those discussions. Throughout this war, many heroes will be recognized. Young people are action oriented, wanting to get things done and make a difference. Listen to whatever roles they may take on. One day your child may know that he will be a medic and the next day, he wants to fly fighter jets or work for the CIA. This is all a normal part of the adolescent exploring many roles. All of these expressions deserve your acknowledgment and respect. * There are many moral dilemmas in a war. This is a great time to discuss these with your child, especially middle and later teens. Does your son know about the possibility of being drafted, what does he intend to do about that? What is the morality of killing innocent people in war? When should a country go to war? How does America balance the investigative and security needs against the framework of a free society? * Your adolescent is on the path to separating from you and may disagree with your opinions and values. This is to be honored because it is time for your child to exercise his own mind in the larger issues, yet it is appropriate to expect a respectful exchange of ideas. It is your household and you get to decide what constitutes a civil disagreement versus rude, disrespectful behavior. You model for your child how a discussion of ideas takes place. You do not shy away from discussing the big issues and you establish the ground rules for doing so appropriately. Your listening and honoring your child's point of view will model for him how civilized people discuss, enlighten and disagree with each other. * Your adolescent still needs a certain amount of protection from the world. It is critical to keep a family routine, expectations and responsibilities. Your child may need more hugging and assurances from you that he is safe and that you will always be there. This is also a great time to do a family activity together; you might ask your child what he or she would like the family to do together. You may be surprised to find the answer is to have a night at home together popping popcorn and playing a board game. Adolescents need a break from the stress of world events as much as we do. * Finally, keep the television watching to a minimum, specifically choosing news or information programs and then deliberately turning it off when they are over. Use this medium as a springboard for discussion rather than as a distraction from it. |
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